Wednesday, October 22, 2008 played with fire at
I used to think that my gift was only for myself and myself only.
That I don't need to use it for someone else's benefit, nor should they know about it.
After this, I found out that because of that, I've put a lot of negativity on it, making it hurt myself when I thought it was supposed to benefit me. I didn't care because I thought I didn't really mean anything to anyone besides my family.
Later on, like the saying goes, "turn on a new leaf". I thought of changing for the better when I thought I finally had some similarities in life some people I've met in life but they always seem to prove me wrong in every way and not to say I'm right but they always judge me from where I come from or to be more specific, who they thought I was. A nobody who is never good for anything.
So when I finally woke up from my long nightmare. I thought I was going to walk into another one soon as i only had a few months to spare. So I kept to this ridiculous oath I made o myself when I was still in the nightmare. here's the oath:
Never to trust anyone anymore.
Even if they seem the trustful type, I will always keep a very big distance from them and fake it all up like what I've learned from those "great examples" back in those 5 years I've spent back then in that social prison. Why? It's because I have that life example who decieved me with those simple but strong words everyone would look for. You are my close friend I can relate to...those were the words I always wanted to hear from someone.
So when I walk in this new road, I find many people who were very different from the ones I've met so far. They like the total opposites of the ones I've met from before. So I befriended them and kept my distance from them. From time to time I would realise that I was opening too much to them, being vulnerable again, and when that time come when I would realise I would just keep my silence and lety them be as I thought they were just the sight I would long for and never get it.
Soon things happened, and I start to open my eyes and start to differentiate the drastic difference I see between the people I'm around with and the ones I walked past by everyday 5 years ago. They seem to really judge you for who you are, not what you are and from where you come from. They weren't arrogant. they weren't egoistic or materialistic or at least the "popular" wannabes bak in those days.
So then after that, I slowly break that insignificant oath I made a long time ago. So here I am now, truly enjoying my life everywhere I go, everytime we all meet up. But one bemefit I got from that nightmare was that I've learned that not everybody's the same wherever you go. And now I've learned that being who you really are really pays off in a long run cause from being who you really are, that'swhen you not lose your friends but learn who the real ones are.
So to the obvious ones that stood up for me and still accepted me, even a thank you can't describe how greatful I am to you.
oh And for the ones I've "lost", enjoy living in that miserable illusion you call "reality"...Thank god you left me behind..wow that was long~ 8D *runs off to breakfast*
10/22/2008 03:41:00 PM
